my pride and puppy

so this is my beautiful, imaginative, smart 4 year old.... all dressed up like an "ariel princess" at the just for fun, princess tea party that we had. She loves to play dress up, she loves to learn and practice saying and writing and reading the alphabet, she loves playing "mommy"....esp. to animals, but her newest pastime is being the animal. She has recently introduced us to her alter ego - Cooler, the pound puppy. She took this identity after watching Pound Puppies (the original cartoon series) on Boomerang over at the Hardings (thanks alot guys) So, now- more often than not - she responds ONLY to Cooler.....It was cute at first, but I am not gonna lie, there are times now, that I am worried she might be "that kid" in school. I find myself in public places saying "here boy!" (as directed) or holding an imaginary leash; she will bark instead of talk, lick instead of hug or kiss.....and the other day outside, I watched as she lay on the driveway with the neighbor's dog, following his lead and licking her leg. I have to get her 3 bowls...one with dog food(goldfish), another with water, and the last with a dog treat(normally an oreo) - most everyday! Even recently her new found best girl friend and playmate wanted her to come over and play with only one request: Maley Jane told her mom that she did not want to play with Cooler! She even asks that when we say prayers - I say only Cooler and not tanner at all - so there I am, praying for salvation at an early age for a make believe dog! there is one perk: fortunately, Tanner Kate sometimes has trouble minding - but Cooler is quite obedient. 

Tonight, we read a book before bed called "I see a Kookaburra" about all kinds of animals in different habitats, and at the back there is the extra fine print paragraphs of info on each of the animals (not a good quick "off to bed" book) so, we were reading about animals on the Savanah and she wanted to read about the Dingo (wild dog in Australia, fyi) so, the minute I started reading...."About 3500 years ago the first dogs were taken to Australia likely from India....blah blah..." she immediate gets out from the covers, gets on all fours and paces up and down the length of the bed, growling....the paragraph describes the dogs as WILD dogs, when she begins shaking her head and growling and barking louder. I finally got her to sit down, but she insisted I read the Dingo part once more and she was immediately up and at em again....this time explaining to me that she was gonna grow up to be a huntin' dog.....

Like I said, cute at first, but hopefully there is hope and this will be just be one of the many awkward phases....until then I will settle for pride and puppy!

no one told me

INTRO:

i was last minute (and through the grapevine, nonetheless) asked to be in a mother's day video for church... to be shown on mother's day in the main services. no big deal, right? although inconvenient and not at all on a good day for me, I am normally happy to help out when asked. so, i send the message back through the grapevine that I would be there for the shoot. I mean, how hard could this be - a mother's day video? the rumor I heard was that they really needed me with only Presley, so they could get a little baby shot. easy enough. I can rock her, play with her, kiss her - for a video honoring mothers. done.

THE DAY OF THE SHOOT 

PART I:

i was running out the door to go get fitted for a bridesmaid dress for a wedding that I am in on May 10th. i am supposed to go over to the Ryan's house in League City for the video shoot after I am done with the dress fitting. I am prepared to do that and then as I am loading the car - I talk to one of the media team guys (for the first time, not from someone else) and he informs me that I need to look "like a mom" and i need to bring a change of clothes....??? I run back into the house and change into a tshirt, and then I grab another top and get back into the car to be on my way. But what does "a mom" look like anyway? I always want to be attractive and fresh and maybe even still (sexy) if I can dare to try - but lets face the reality here - I have these very butch sweat pants that my mom got me (in 3 different colors, might I add) and my hair was in a bun for so long without being combed the other day, that I had to get in the shower with some heavy duty conditioner and a steel brush to get out the giant knot that had formed up under my bun (it was either that, or strategically cut out the chunk of hair and just deal with the massive bald spot) So, I can do "mom" very well. Not consistent to reality though, I already had put on a bit of makeup for this video debut of mine....but whatever!

THE DAY OF THE SHOOT

PART 2:

I arrive at the Ryan's house before the crew is back from lunch. I wait, hoping that they will get back soon so, I can hurry and get done - so I can get the girls home for naps, and so I can finish cleaning up the house for our dinner guests that night. the crew arrives and says they are ready for me - and that I can leave the kids in the living room, with the lady who lived there.  now in my head, I am kinda confused, but not nearly as confused as I was after I walked into the Master Bedroom at "the ryan's" house.....

SHOT #1 AND GOING STRONG:

lights, camera, -- bed!????

I was told to lie down, pretend to be asleep - then wake to the sound of a baby crying, sigh, look at the ceiling, then with disdain for my overtired, overworked state - glance to the clock.... only to find that it is 4:21 am.....

WHAT?!?!?!?! this is not at all rocking my precious little baby! (but for sure blackmail)

 So from here - I have to do more of these kinds of shots, including: falling onto the bed exhausted and staring at the ceiling, then out the window, another deep sigh....then I am told I need to walk up to the mirror in the bathroom, lean up on the sink, and look at myself in the mirror....looking depressed about how tired and old I look??? and even tugging a bit at my wrinkled face?????

SERIOUSLY??? then i have to clean the living room for 6-8 minutes of consecutive footage, then rock Presley (ah-ha! there it is, 2 hours later!) then lay her down, then leaving the nursery, then peeking in the nursery, then loading her in the car seat, then leaving the house with her and Tanner and another little boy, then looking back in the house before closing the door, locking it and walking away.....

ANYONE? ANYONE?:

I mean, I want to be a blessing and help when I am needed - but I am pretty sure that there was someone else (really, anyone else) who would have loved to have this mother's day video debut! I can honestly say - I thought I had better friends around the church. I mean, someone had to know what shots they were wanting of me....and no one even gave me a heads up ( I having a feeling that all my "friends" are all together somewhere laughing, even now!) instead there will be up close face shots of me trying to act tired and worn out, glancing here and there as directed... in total SHOCK! of what was going on! So, if you need a good laugh - come to church on Mother's Day! and if anyone needs me, i will be down at the local bar drinking away the embarrassment of the morning ;) 

Love You Forever

So, tonight I was reading to Tanner before bed and she picked "a girl and her gator" and "love you forever" (the one with the boy playing with toilet paper on the bathroom floor....."I'll lover you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."???) So, if you know this book - it is sweet slash creepy. Basically, the mom rocks her son and sings the lines I quoted already; it goes through him growing up and at every age, her sneaking in her room and rocking him...even as a teenager (kinda weird) and then even as a grown man...she drives in her car to his house where he lives alone, then she sneaks into his window, and picks him up, rocks him, and sings the song... really weird!!! then in ends with him rocking her when she is old and sick and then him rocking his little baby.....kinda weird, but seeing that I am emotionally unstable these days, it can still get me a little teary. just the basic idea. 

Well, tomight - it was not moving me at all (I was a little hung up on the mom breaking and entering..) but it was moving Tanner. After I was done with it, she looked up at me with a sad/worried face and told me that it was a sad book. She went on to express that she didn't want to grow up. I hugged her and told her that she would always be my baby, but then she looked up at me and had a tear rolling down her cheek - so, of course I pull her close and try to comfort her as my tears begin to flow as we somehow share this mutual moment of sadness - knowing that although, she will always be my baby, she will not always be little.....such a big, bittersweet reality. I know that it is inevitable that she grow up, but it is crazy to me how she can sense this fact of the never slowing clock of life....and that it is so real to her and so emotional. She went on to tell me (through tears) that when she and sissa and presley are all grown up, that there will be no more babies! I tried my best to tell her things that would calm her as she expressed her concern for the future, but we ended up having to just change the subject all together to break the heavy mood.

I love my kids - my family! God has blessed me with so much more than I deserve. I am so grateful to share my days with Kyle, Dawn, Tanner, and Presley!

on a lighter note - powder puff post game

I feel like my post is so unimportant and superficial compared to the blog I read late last night (aaron ivey's, my 4 year old in God's army? one - it is very honest & thought provoking, you should check it out..) but neways. so, last night was friendswood hs powder puff game. Dawn proudly wore blue and yellow, representing the junior girls with great excitement. we took tanner and presley to watch and cheer on sissa....the hardings and kelli holloman and her kids also came out to support Dawn. It was a great turnout, and for sure reminded me of being in school and all the fun times. But one thing that was a huge part of my high school experience was playing competitive sports....I played basketball and volleyball for school and AAU basketball on the side. I used to play basketball...that was my "thing". I was pretty mean and aggressive (although, as a freshman, I wore ribbons in my hair???) I guess I would catch people off guard that way when I would wrestle them to the floor for the ball. Needless to say, it has been sooooo long. when I watch basketball on tv or go see my brothers play - there is something there that seems SO familiar, yet it feels like it was in a different lifetime. 

Well, last night at the game was the perfect example....the junior girls (naturally being the underdogs, bc they are "younger, weaker, not graduating" - whatever) were the first to score. I cheered - a little bit of yelling and clapping - and then the cheesy announcer, said "Touchdown, friendswood juniors!" and without meaning to, I got chills all over! seriously?!? at a touchdown at a highschool powder puff game!?!? crazy! it just made me remember how much I loved that season of my life - all the adrenaline and excitement and competition. it also made me get a little nervous about my kids playing competitive sports...I surely don't want to be that mom. I guess, I will deal with it when it comes. but last night was really fun!

exceptions

there are exceptions to most everything (except of course for the biggies, ie. murder, adultery, theft, etc.) but most definitely in the case of my little Tanner Kate, whose favorite pastime is talking, and who has a bigger vocabulary than me - she really is 4 going on 14! but tonight, as we race out the door for Dawn's powder puff game - Tanner is most excited about the "confession stands" :) perfect!

missing the daddys

we have these best friends that we call the hardings; we have been hanging with them since right after they got married, and right before we got married - over 6 years now!  (wow!) we have laughed together, cried together, pulled all-nighters together, had babies together.....what a sweet journey we have shared over the last years. needless to say - when all hanging out together, we have always referred to Kyle and Aric as "the daddys"....when they are working or out of town or going to get food - whatever. We always joke that the kids are gonna be so confused about how this family thing works,  since they have "daddys" and "mommys". well, right now "the daddys" are in Vegas for the NAB; me and Glenna have hung out some, but check in on eachother while we 'single-mom' it. and it is amazing how much I miss Kyle. my days are busy...between the 3 girls, my mom and the house she is building, and the house I have, that needs my attention but always gets put off.....but I am just so used to him being here, it is weird. I cannot imagine if he was always traveling.....3 days is long enough!

can't believe it

I don't know if it is just me, but every now and then I stop and think how I just cant believe that this is my life! this afternoon we went swimming at Kyle's parent's house with the 2 little girls (Dawn is out of town with a friend's family) and as we were waiting for the hot tub to heat up a bit (his parent's pool is beautiful....set on the side of the slight slope of one of the only "not flat" lots in friendswood, that leads down to a huge creek; the landscape is full and green, there is a stone wall, a waterfall - it is like a tropical resort pool, minus one thing - HUGE TREES! shading the entire pool. certainly makes it pretty, but FREEZING! So, we pretty much play in the hot tub until late August, when the pool water finally warms up enough to not give us hypothermia) neways...back to my original thought.....

as we were waiting for the hot tub to heat up a bit more (only Tanner, who has no concept of temperature, is in the water) me and Kyle and Presley are sitting around the edge; and i just was overwhelmed in the great moment (the beautiful scenery, the sun out - just not on us, and the family there - Dawn on her way home....no work, no middle of the night feeding, no money debacles, no kids who need naps......everyone was happy to be there and to be together and to be swimming. And I just asked Kyle if he could believe that this was our life:  25 years old, married for 6 years, 3 awesome girl additions, a suburban (that still feels so funny) this is our life. I always day dreamed of what me and Kyle's life together would look like - even when I was a sophomore and junior in highschool. and now, here I am - living it. so cool. i feel so lucky!